• Nanci Arvizu


Updated: Feb 6

Well, Kind Of. Not really. It’s on my Youtube channel.

I’ve always had the dream of hearing ‘my song’ on the radio. Not the one some boy anointed as ‘our song,’ but My Song - my words, my story put to music, delivered to millions via invisible airwaves.

To date, I’ve written all of 10 sort-of, could-maybe-be, songs.

One in particular is especially emotional for me.

Here are the lyrics to The Hole in My Heart, published on Medium in June 2019.

In October 2020, Andrew Underhill, an aspiring musician, and songwriter agreed to ‘take a look’ at my lyrics and was moved to put music to them. I created a short movie of My Romeo, and now here it is. My song ‘on the radio’ (it’s Youtube, but it’s still on invisible airwaves.)

Death is final. Knowing it’s coming is the worst.

On January 24, 2018, I had to put my horse, my four-legged-soul-mate, down. I had to make the decision to end his life, to end the pain he was suffering from, something to this day and will never know the cause of.

At 7:00 am when I checked on the horses he was fine.

By 8:30 am, he was not. He was on the ground, seizing in pain.

The vet came. She did all she could with pain meds, oil down his throat, more meds, and fluids.

When she came the second time, there wasn’t much more she could do. He was turning septic. I had no choice but to say goodbye.

I Said GoodBye

I stood holding his head in my hands. His whole body, all one-thousand-plus-pounds of him was shaking, SHAKING like he wasn’t going to hold himself up much longer. This animal whose body had carried both of us for hundreds of miles across places I would have never seen if I wasn’t on his back and might never see again could no longer stand on his own.

I hugged his head to my chest. His breathing had become labored, shallow. I said it once, “goodbye,” I sobbed. I said it again, and again and again. Goodbye. I love you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for finding me. What am I going to do without you?

I am crying even now. I miss him every day.

“I can see you I only have to Look through the Hole You left in my Heart”

Thank you Andrew Underhill for collaborating with me. Because of you, my song is on the radio. Find Andrew on Instagram and YouTube

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